In my life I pretty much live alone. And despite the recent wave of books about celibacy as a new culture among young people, I still have to be careful to admit, the live "solo" never feels peaceful at all.
Looking back, I can not remember is, at times in his life like this are not alone. I grew up in a family with many children and was a little child sharing room with 2 big brother and little sister to two. That's why I quite like it when at age 20, in college, I have a private accommodation. It's expensive, I rent a small apartment kitchen cooking and bookcases, desks in separate, private sleeping quarters, no one talk I intervene on or off the lamp. Feeling very self-shopping fun and filled with your favorite food in the refrigerator, cook every day. But I also can not deny sometimes feel heavy when you walk home, locking front door quiet, self-opening doors, knowing that no one anticipated.
Of course, my feeling was completely unlike the feeling of living in a marriage lacks happiness, have to ask yourself that are plaguing themselves, asking themselves the burden of living as silent shadows perhaps.
Honestly admit it, I married at age 34, a mother a year later and to 40 years old, I was alone, sharing custody of her daughter with her husband. Phase I end the marriage was in crisis, always wondering if I should finish it to be quiet or not, I still remember that feeling every night to distant, on the bed, imagine the scene silent watch TV than talk to her husband, or precisely because the debate has happened before.
Single, with no happy forever?
I broke up with her husband. I must say, when you break up with her husband and children live, it is not the same alone. I live inside me I feel very well with his partner, whether she is still small and can not talk to me about the problems of adults. Possible dependence on the girl's mother that I always need to feel more inside it, which is why I always maintain celibacy, no relations with any man.
The years went by, her daughter grew up and no longer focused on her again. It was then my turn have two relationships with two men. They are home to me a lot, but no one officially lived at all. For both, I had fleeting thoughts of marriage, but I did not have enough ready to go to the destination end. Eventually, they all look to other relationships. My daughter lived in the dorms, sometimes coming home to roost. But then I started feeling my back was the only one living in the house. My work involved writing, so my time at home with extra long.
Every night, when the sound of the city sank into darkness, loneliness woke me again. What am I doing here on the bed so wide wanderings? Oo Nobody besides snoring so I can try to put ears or legs to finish him in the hold. Why am I in this situation, when the people I know have a couple pairs? Happy or unhappy, they will always have a pair. I will deadlock in this situation forever why? From here I think his later days. I will die for no one ever found?
I do not mean against those who find meaning in the single life. I admire his optimism, joy, satisfaction, their scene was living alone. But hardly anyone convince me that living alone is ideal. Free to do anything they want u? Where to go custom, non-binding, comfortable in every relationship u? Things that will eventually no longer meaningful, once you have entered the twilight years.
After all, the crux of the problem may not lie in whether you choose to live alone or live with sometimes, that lies in you sort of how life as an adult. And nursing home model should be developed so that humans can live alone, but not isolated.
No one wants alone, I believe it's true.
Tags: the sad ending | Three great teacher | no clothes | My mother opened
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